A 'mustery' for the incapacitated

8 shots of tequila. WTF was I thinking. I'm 51, I know better. I know tequila is not my friend. I have managed to stay away for 10 years, from the soul-stealing temptress that is tequila. And who was the little She-devil bitch-wench that started this middle age massacre? Who started the over 50 crowd drinking? It was a party for a friend, an engagement party. I gave an impromptu, though ill-recieved toast. I think the adopted memory theme may have been too abstract. In fact, I'm sure of it. Banker type people don't like abstract. Makes for bad loans. And then segue to motown music and tequila. Oh god does my head hurt. Last time I did that much tequila, I started doing Shakespeare in a Calypso accent. 12th night reggae something or other. I checked though. The "Body Parts Zombies" did not take advantage of my misfortune. Nothing tangible has been taken. Arms, all that good stuff are still intact. No, only intangibles were taken. Pride, self respect. coherence. I last remember launching into a lecture about how I thought 'Cunt' was the most powerful word there is. Yeah, that much tequila. Anyway, I think the cunt lecture should be buried for lack of seductive value. Most women just don't get very hot when you use that word for any reason....it's not a 'wet' word.

And where is my car? Holy bah-jee-bus, where is my car? Did the Body Parts Zombies drive off in my car?

And the worst part about this debauchery is on a pain and suffering hangover scale, I'm only about a 4. There are some knitting needles burning blue-white hot in my temples, but no violent wretching. No prime rib with horseradish memories to clean up. Which means no lesson learned. I could be tempted again. I didn't wake up with any tattoos, piercings, animals or hookers. Hookers don't like the word cunt either. Not actual first hand knowledge. But, I'm guessing.

Fuck, no lesson learned. Cuervo Gold. Hmm. Oh god I could be tempted again. Because the the little B.F. Skinner paradigm has failed. The shock following the action was too weak to diminish the uh, uh,.......where was I? Am I even referencing the right guy?

Where is my car? Holy bah-jee-bus.

Thank you Body Parts Zombies for not stealing anything precious. Please bring my car back. And remind me never to give the cunt lecture again, no matter what. Please. I'll give to your charity. The Body Parts Zombies Childrens Cancer Fund will get a generous donation. They will.

Holy bah-jee-bus. No lesson learned.

Wait, If I don't have a car...then how did I get home? A mustery, er mystery, for the incapacitated!

I'm thinking about a Bloody Mary and a nap. Maybe some soup later. That would be good.