Tarzan Tivo Near the Oleander
Figuring out Tivo. Scrolling through movie titles. Jackpot. Electricity. "Tarzan and the Slave Girl" is on this week. Yes. Yes, you can petition the lord with prayer. Uh, oh, it's the Spanish language version. Despair. Oh well. Dump "L.A. Confidential" anyway, record "El Tarzan". How could I pass up any movie with 'slave girl' in the title? Even if it is 'en espanol'. Tarzan and the jungle bondage bitch v. Russell Crowe et al. No contest. Kim Basinger v. Jane in a two piece leather outfit. C'mon. B-movie heaven.
Of course my all-time favorite B-movie is "Chained Heat". Shower scenes in the womens prison. Linda Blair, Sybil Danning.....oh baby, oh baby.
Back a few years, when I had a few dollars, I turned down a blind date with Linda Blair. Yes, "The Exorcist", Linda Blair. A friend of mine was dating her house mate and Linda had heard all about me. Linda's house mate, Dana, had described me to Linda. Dana then told me that Linda was out of her mind. Huh? Why do I want to go out with a psycho? Dana also mentioned that Linda was a freak. Loved sex. Dana had recently come home and found Linda fucking some guy. On the front lawn. Near the oleander. Nature girl.
At the time I was fairly wealthy and Linda's career was in disarray. And 'splendor in the grass', hadn't landed Linda any new work. I weighed the situation. Psycho v. easy sex. Oleander. Nature. Hmm. I told Dana, "Okay, but only if she autographs my VHS copy of "Chained Heat" ". Pre DVD era blind date.
Not sure why the date never happened. It may have been that I got married that week. Unplanned. "We did WHAT, last night?" But more likely the date never happened because I was a little too arrogant. Okay, way too arrogant. Augmented by Dana saying she had no shape to her butt. A flat ass. Pass.
And now fast forward. Linda's career is rehabilitated and I am living in near poverty. Goodbye arrogance. Hello humility.
I'm sure there is a moral here. A lesson to be learned. Besides the fact that I should've gone out with her. Imagine the the bragging rights if I had, uh, "mowed her lawn". "Did I ever tell you about the time...?"
A lesson to be learned. Something to ponder. I wonder if I can get Oleander to grow in the apartment.
Of course my all-time favorite B-movie is "Chained Heat". Shower scenes in the womens prison. Linda Blair, Sybil Danning.....oh baby, oh baby.
Back a few years, when I had a few dollars, I turned down a blind date with Linda Blair. Yes, "The Exorcist", Linda Blair. A friend of mine was dating her house mate and Linda had heard all about me. Linda's house mate, Dana, had described me to Linda. Dana then told me that Linda was out of her mind. Huh? Why do I want to go out with a psycho? Dana also mentioned that Linda was a freak. Loved sex. Dana had recently come home and found Linda fucking some guy. On the front lawn. Near the oleander. Nature girl.
At the time I was fairly wealthy and Linda's career was in disarray. And 'splendor in the grass', hadn't landed Linda any new work. I weighed the situation. Psycho v. easy sex. Oleander. Nature. Hmm. I told Dana, "Okay, but only if she autographs my VHS copy of "Chained Heat" ". Pre DVD era blind date.
Not sure why the date never happened. It may have been that I got married that week. Unplanned. "We did WHAT, last night?" But more likely the date never happened because I was a little too arrogant. Okay, way too arrogant. Augmented by Dana saying she had no shape to her butt. A flat ass. Pass.
And now fast forward. Linda's career is rehabilitated and I am living in near poverty. Goodbye arrogance. Hello humility.
I'm sure there is a moral here. A lesson to be learned. Besides the fact that I should've gone out with her. Imagine the the bragging rights if I had, uh, "mowed her lawn". "Did I ever tell you about the time...?"
A lesson to be learned. Something to ponder. I wonder if I can get Oleander to grow in the apartment.
posted by Sonoma Blue at 9:56 AM
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